Thursday, November 25, 2010

Speaking Out

Part of healing after sexual assault is being able to talk about what happened without shame. For this reason, I'm taking this blog public tonight. I have never publicized it to anyone outside certain circles where I knew it would be accepted and appreciated. There is acceptance among other survivors and I felt safe sharing it with people I knew would understand. The time has come to step outside that magic circle. Acceptance be damned; I am who I am - if you can't handle that, then do I really need you in my life?

I will be appearing on Hope for Healing's radio program Voices of Hope again, on December 7th, at noon. A link will be posted for anyone who wants to listen to the archive once it's up. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said that "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." Well, this matters. And I won't be silent anymore.


It is 3:23 am on Thanksgiving morning and I am blessed with the luxury of having a four day weekend. Waking at two in the morning is usually a tragedy; I lie in bed in the dark and think with dread of the alarm ringing in only four more hours -- three more hours -- two more hours -- oh, it can't be six already... But with the unfettered days before me, waking from night-terrors at two am provides more than escape from the shades that pursue me in Dream. It becomes a time for reflection, for music, for sitting in bed and writing, writing, for God's sake; I feel uplifted, my soul is riding the currents of the wind that shrieks outside the window and for this exhilerating night, I am free. There is no one to answer to, no one here but me, and there are no expectations to meet -- not even my own.

I write, and tears threaten. I am not grieving over any given circumstance, the tears are for joy. It has been so long since I had the urge to express deep, inner thoughts with written words that I had almost forgotten how it feels to have this release. Pent-up pressures fade, my thoughts cease their rumbling and flow like rain. The wounds of the past lose their sting. Tomorrow may be different, but tonight, I am made new; born again in all innocence, unscarred.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Support Pandora's Project

I first found Welcome to Barbados and it's companion message board, Pandora's Aquarium, back in 2000. I'd had a difficult pregnancy, my marriage was failing, and I had just lost my mother-in-law to aggressive pancreatic cancer. My life was falling apart and I was helpless to deal with anything because my mind was consumed by PTSD related to the rape I experienced as a teenager. My husband and I purchased our first home computer in June of that year, and as my condition went from bad to worse, I began searching on the Internet for help in dealing with the aftermath of rape. Pandora's Aquarium became my lifeline. Those days were dark, but in Pandy's (as it is affectionately called by members), I found kindred spirits, luminaries whose courage and support changed my life forever.

Now, Pandora's Aquarium is a part of Pandora's Project. The mission is to fund low or no cost healing events and support for survivors of sexual assault. I am not exaggerating when I say that these services can and do save lives. You can help with this excellent work by visiting the link below and voting for Pandora's Project daily. You can also text to vote (instructions are available if you follow the link below).

It isn't much to ask for 10 seconds of your day. You can make a huge difference with your support of this work. Pandora's Aquarium changed - even saved - my life. It can do the same for countless others if you're willing to help. Go vote today.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Blog Talk Radio: Voices of Hope

Today, I did a segment on Blog Talk Radio for Hope for's Voices of Hope program. The archive is available -- go check it out!