Monday, June 16, 2014

It is finished

Dear and lovely people who read this blog:

It is finished. Barring some unfortunate, unforeseen circumstance, this is the last walk I will take on this path.

I started Wilderness Journey to help myself and others heal from the pains of domestic and sexual violence. I have been contacted by lots of people over the four years since this blog has been in existence, and I have heard multiple stories of healing, hurts, and heart-ache. I have been verbally attacked for posting honestly and openly about what violence does to women. I've been called names and have even had people "unfriend" me over this blog. None of that has anything to do with my decision to stop making entries here.

No - it's just life, really. I have spent a lot of years becoming self-aware, learning about who I am and what I want from my time here on earth. I have done a lot of hard work to heal. I have battled with PTSD and all the accompanying horrors that follow sexual violence. Last night, I came to an apex with that journey. I wrote down the names of the people who harmed me. I wrote down what they had done. And then I consciously forgave each one. 

Bear with me. No, it isn't just that easy, but you have to realize that I've spent thirty years working on most of this stuff. I have experienced the anger, acknowledged it, talked openly about the wrongs that were done. I have refused to enable this kind of behavior from anyone. I have learned how to expect respectful treatment from men, and how to walk away if I don't receive it. I have learned how to let go. And that's what this is.

I am letting go. 

After I forgave each person who had harmed me, including those who could have helped me but refused, I tore up those sheets of paper. Then I burned the scraps. I have more important journeys ahead of me now. I will still be an advocate for women. I will still accept speaking engagements. I will still share my story and help anyone who needs it. But this chapter of my life-book is closed. I am moving on to write new stories, tell new truths. Forgiving these wrongs does not condone them, it just relieves me of the burden of carrying them with me. I have put them down for the last time. I am thankful for that, and for each of you who walked this road with me.

Take gentle care,
Amy


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